his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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