Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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