i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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