Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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