I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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