I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize