This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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