EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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