doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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