she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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