He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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