She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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