There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
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I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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