don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize