Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize