I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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