Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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