we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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