Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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