Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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