i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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