it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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