Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize