she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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