The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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