You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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