Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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