Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize