Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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