Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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