he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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