I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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