Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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