we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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