First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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