it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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