No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize