I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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