Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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