chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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