The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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