tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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