I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize