Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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