girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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