I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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