Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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