Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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