I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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