Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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