why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize